Letter to No One

It's been nearly a week since we called it quits. 

You were seeing someone and so was I

Our situation was not ideal 

We both knew it but we secretly hoped that it wasn't true 

We lived in our own little cocoon 

Whatever happens between us, stays between us 

I wanted to let go but I couldn't 

Jealousy was not only building up in me

But it was eating me raw 

I needed to do something about it

I told you that I needed a month to get used to this new arrangement

Otherwise I would walk away 

And we both agreed...

That weekend was painful 

It felt like I was walking around with a dark cloud over me 

I kept my distance because I knew you were out with her 

Later that day 

You told me you that you had left her because she was flaky 

But deep down, I knew you'd rather lose her than lose me 

And you finally said those words 

Those painful words that should not have been said 

Irregardless, even if you'd said them based on your emotions 

It felt like a sign for me to let go 

And to be fair I gave it another shot by saying I need some time 

I'll get back to you when I'm ready 

In return you said we should just call it quits. 

I agreed seeing that you asked for it

I was too tired to fight for us 

I was mentally exhausted dealing with your emotions 

I was tired of mending you over and over again 

I was tired of assuring you again and again 

I was tired of having to worry about the words that I say 

Will it hurt you? Will it offend you? Will it make you feel sad? 

Despite how I feel towards us, it wasn't enough

It just wasn't enough

That's when I decided that it was unfair to keep each other on a string

Because sometimes, love just isn't enough. 

The next day

I received an email from you 

Questioning my actions

And how I was so heartless to leave just when you had just broken up with her  

As much as that email bothered me for days

And as much as I wanted to explain myself

I couldn't bring myself to respond 

It was tiring just thinking about the non ideal situation that we were in

I figured it would be best to be left being the bad guy 

You can be mad at me

You can hate me 

Because I know, if I don't - we'll end up in the same puddle again 

I just hope you'll forever remember me 

The goods that we had

I won't doubt it, I do miss having you around 

I wished things were different

I wished we could still talk about nothings and everything

I wished we could kiss and make up 

But somehow

Things feels final this time 

There is no turning back 

There is less lingering feelings 

I can't bring myself to delete our playlist

I'll keep updating it until the day that I can't anymore

This feels like a suitable song for this post

or maybe I'm just overly obessed with this song. lol. 

p.s: If fate has it, may we find each other some day because forever is ours. 

xx