Hold On To Me

A letter from afar, 

As the wind blows 

As the leaves falls 

As the rain pours 

My days feels like forever 

My hours feels like days 

My minutes feels like days 

My days and nights are blurred 

I start to think of you 

What memories I have left of you 

You left your prints in my heart 

And just like that you were gone

You said you will be okay but it may take time

Will it though? Will it ever be okay?  

Had I made a mistake by choosing him instead of you? 

Was I being selfish with my choice?  

I'm sorry that I broke your heart

If I could turn back time, I wished we've never met 

I wished I'd never fallen so hard for you 

You gave me hope of a future 

A future I never once dreamt about 

Had I made a mistake by letting you go? 

I miss you 

I miss my best friend

 I miss my soulmate

Aku patahkan hatimu begitu saja...

We could no longer ignore the elephant in the room, our circumstances were so complicated that we had to eventually make a decision. The distance, the lockdown, the pandemic...how long can we play pretend? Our future is so uncertain, I wished I could wait but I can't. I'm sorry but I love you dearly. You're so special to me. 

I tried to lighten the mood by texting you about my day, writing about my thoughts. Somehow, I felt like that was a mistake because that made you ache further. I thought I was trying to "normalize" things by doing so but I guess I caused you more heartache. I'm sorry, I should distant myself, it hurts me so much to see you sad. I'll wait for you to be ready to come to me. I'll not push further. I had removed and logged out all apps that reminds me of you, to refrain myself from bugging you further. I hope this is the right thing because....if it isn't. I hope you'll reach out to me. We'll wallow in our sadness together. 

And I remember when you started callin' me yours

All the play fightin', all the flirtatious disses

I'd tell you sad stories about my childhood

I don't know why I trusted you but I knew that I could

We'd spend the whole weekend lying in our own dirt

I was just so happy in your boxers and your t-shirt

Dreams, dreams

Of when we had just started things

Dreams of you and me

And it seems, it seems

That I can't shake those memories

I wonder if you have the same dreams too

The littlest things that take me there

Lily Allen, Littlest Things

Ending my sappy post with this song by Keane. Quite a gem, I must say :)