It's been a while since I've actually blogged. Thought today could be the day.
This blog has been left abandoned for a while and it's always when I feel the need to rant or to express myself, do I turn to this page for comfort. I find comfort in writing about everything under the sun. I may not have readers but maybe it's my way of speaking to mother universe. haha!
So, past few months I've been on this penpal app and I've met quite a number of pleasant people. I was an avid replyer until I got bored. I have this bad habit, I get bored of things very easily. If the momentum/excitement is mellowed down, I usually lose interest. I think it's bad because it happens alot in my relationship. heh.
I met a penpal from NYC and mann...I'm really jealous when he's already out and about, doing outdoor things with his friends while I'm still stuck at home. Geez. We end up exchanging contacts and has been off that penpal app eversince. I won't lie, he's one charming and sweet guy but sucks that he's so far away. He even confessed his feeling for me, I...could not return the feelings because I do not want to lead him on. We're from 2 different worlds and 2 different cultures. Will it EVER work? Sure, we talked about visiting each other when the pandemic ends or when the borders open but truth to be told, I don't know if I'll get bored of him by then. Yeah, I told you I have a bad habit...
For now, I'm good with my man by my side. I don't know what would I do without him. He's been there for me eversince the pandemic started, he tolerated my anxiety attacks - which happened ever so often during the start of the pandemic. I would turn to alcohol, I cried alot at night, I dreaded waking up for work, I was a zombie among the living, everything was a big blur and a shade of grey. I was not happy, I had mood swings and I'm grateful for the help and comfort he has given me :(
I guess in a way, the NYC guy was like an escape for me? An escape from the real world, everything has turned so ugly. It makes me sad reading the news these day. I also try to avoid reading the new because my anxiety would react when I least expect it. When it does, my mind goes blank and I'll be on auto-pilot for the rest of the day. My life revolves around a routine, it's part of a coping mechanism I have to keep myself sane and as normal as I can be.
It has been weeks since I had my episodes, mainly because my life is slowly turning around. I got a new job! :) With a company of my heart's desire. *sigh* I really hope we could at least return to office soon. I miss working from an office, being able to dress up and wake up early from work again. I miss these little things. Heck, I don't even know if my heels still fits. Do people actually get fat legs overtime? hahaha! Or does that only happen to pregnant ladies? lol.
No comments:
Post a Comment