The One I Love Truly (circa 2015)

It was a perfect evening
And the eve of my birthday
You picked me up in your white CRV
Your warm and friendly embrace welcomes the start of our friendship
Little did we know, cupid already had plans for us that night :)

I'll always remember our first kiss
I'll always remember how you couldn't get your hands off me
I never kiss on first dates,
I'll always remember how I kept telling myself that I won't be seeing you for the next decade,
So, wth! Kiss him anyway!

The next morning was a reality check.
I couldn't stop thinking about you
Yet the voice in my head tells me otherwise
The voice stayed until you dropped me a text, one thing led to another - we were out on a date for my birthday :)

That was by-far, my favourite weekend.
I wanted to kiss you again
I wanted to hold your hand again
I was shy to initiate since I had no alcohol influence (yet)
But you did in the end, without any help from me!

Remember when we lost our way in the car park?
I remember I struggled not to sweat (HAHAH!) and to play it cool
But GAWD DAMN Those carpark lifts were hella stuffy!
Remember when I didn't want to go home on my birthday?
Remember when you finally told me about your family background?
I remember them all. Every single bit of it.

The night my dad grounded me
Was the night I called to cry a river because I won't be able to see you before you leave
I knew right there and then that I was slowly falling in love with you
You're my perfect escape
My happy pill
My comfort zone
My favourite pillow talk


My first impression(s) of you:
1) Cute
2) Good thing he's taller than me
3) THAT dimple tho'
4) He's got game
5) Nice guy
6) He'll make a good friend

Enchanted

I'm always turning to my trusty blog to express my deepest feelings. I'm not sure if anyone I know still or actually reads this by now. 

As I pen this with tears in my eyes....

It's been a whirlwind of emotions since the end of last week, no surprises that my weekend did not get any better. I'll admit, I was to blamed for this whole thing. I know I'm not the easiest to deal with, it takes a man with extreme patience to tolerate me. 

He has been nothing but patient with me,

I knew how he felt, I took him for granted 

I ruined it for everyone, I have myself to blame 

It's really hard to let you go

I can't bring myself to erase our memories 

I can't bring myself to forget you existed

I've fallen too deep into you 

I can't say goodbye

I replayed every word you said in my head, it felt like you were dropping hints. That this isn't what you want. Speaking to you again, brings back so much fond memories. I wanted to turn back time, back to when things were happier. I have to stop doing this to myself. 

You wanted to take a break and I agreed because I knew you wanted it. I'm not the type to sit around and wait but in this case, I have to be patient. I'm no longer sure if I'm waiting for a happy miracle or just answers. Either way, I'm prepared for the worse. 

You wanted us to be more than friends but less than lovers. 

~ 

What makes us when we're more than friends but less than lovers? 

This type of relationship can be seen as a stepping stone to a more committed relationship, or it can be an end goal in itself. It’s characterized by a level of emotional intimacy and physical closeness that is typically reserved for romantic partners, but it lacks the commitment and exclusivity that are associated with traditional relationships.

They were more than friends

She looked at him like no one had before

He held her like the world was ending 

They could stare at each other for hours 

Without 

A 

Single 

Word

And at the end of the day 

She loves him 

And he, 

Well he knew he could never love her

Not in the way she deserved

Not in the way she loves him 

And thus, 

They would always be more than friends 

But less than lovers. 

我只是太愛你

It sounds a lot like 2 people being friends with benefits albeit -in contrast to friends with benefits, this situationship involve emotional dependency from both parties. 

I want us to be exclusive, I know our situation is complicated, its tough, it's unique, it has no label but I would like the chance to call you mine and mine only. 

I'm penning down my feelings, the might be jumbled but that's how I feel. I don't think I can say goodbye, neither do I want to be your friend, I don't think I cant handle watching you meeting someone new neither do I want to miss out on milestones in your life. The thought of these makes my heart aches. Why can't things come easy for us? 

You're the air I breathe

You're the pasta to my meatballs 

You're the butterflies in my stomach

You're the forever to my love 

You're my person 

I Fell Open

This is a very difficult post to write, 

Our worlds collided
Meeting you was enchanting 
Our love has gotten stronger 
Blood rush, nervous wreck
My heart was full
...for a while 

_____________________________________

We've made it through a year 
And while I believed we can make it through another
The anxiety to have you close grew
I needed you here
I wanted you close
The idea of you is no longer an idea 
I wanted it to come through 

Things did not turn out the way we wanted it to be
We had more downs than ups 
Although our ups were amazing and blissful 
Many of times I wanted to say goodbye 
But I couldn't 
I love you too much to let you go 
I'm unwilling to let you find another 
Selfish, is I

We ended things a few times
Thinking it was for the best 
But we always found our way back to each other
Is this True Love? No. 
Because I don't believe in true love. 
But I do believe in coincidences
We were just 2 souls who met on different circumstances 
Separated by distance and time 

We believed our love is stronger than anything
But is love enough? 
Or will distance and time break us first? 

I'm currently sitting on the bridge
Unsure of the path that I should take 
Should I take a chance and wait and see
Or should I decide my own coincident?
Sam said as long as you love him,  
I should believe because it's alright. 
How do you know? How do you know, Sam? 

I don't want to fight
I don't want to ruin what we currently have
I know you have bigger problems to deal with 
Therefore I'm penning my thoughts here
Hopefully someday, somehow
You'll get the chance to see this
And hopefully by then
May we be in a safe space together

Please don't be in love with someone else
Please don't have somebody waiting on you